Phillip Agnew - “This is my tome to 2013; my poem to the year of my dreams”
For 364 days, at least, I found myself in a constant state of conflict.
Almost daily my alarm clock awoke me at the corner of a crossroad: asking that I decide … And every day I oscillated away.
I was readiness & unsteadiness, joy & sadness,
deletion & depletion, Completion;
I was cool confidence in a cracked case.
I was the reluctant leader, the forlorn follower.
I was a horrible mentor, a deplorable mentee.
Always kept it together, rarely kept in touch.
I was here, there, everywhere and no where.
I longed for home and grew restless for the road.
I moved too fast and proceeded with much caution.
I served and rarely felt deserving.
I was selfishly selfless.
I spread love and squandered it.
I sailed in the sure serenity of certainty & in the swaying seas of insecurity.
Found purpose, missed calls.
I sparred with Self.
Battled with Me & I and
Tears of joy from my right,
Tears of loss from my left.
I was introduced to some old friends.
I lost contact, made excuses
I felt full of empty sometimes.
I decided to be indecisive.
I was spontaneous when I planned to be.
I longed, liked, and left.
I felt guilty for having a good time.
I expended endless amounts of energy.
Eager to exceed external expectations,
I ended up abandoning internal ones.
trapeze tricks while tiptoeing the tightrope. no trouble.
Tried to rodeo the uncontrollable. Still can’t juggle.
I felt too old,
And felt too young too.
I missed some of the old times,
And some of the new ones too.
I disappointed myself. I astonished myself.
I felt the weight of the World: in my palms and my arms.
I jumped at opportunities,
I mis-timed some leaps of faith.
I felt Big in the Big Times and small in the small ones.
(And it’s all about the small ones)….
I watched my words and bit off more than I could chew.
I went to an emotional island, with few ferries, from or to…
I saw miracles.
I saw the alchemy of anger catalyzed to action.
I saw evolution, transformation, and a rising revolution.
I saw the country catch fire, clenched fists of collective fury.
Scholars students and artists in communal catharis.
Children unchained. Hearts opened. Lines drawn.
I felt blessings pour down from the Heaven inside us.
I saw Light consume Darkness whole.
I watched us construct a collective future in 2 minutes.
I watched Power build, grow, and Shift.
I write this…
Filled to the brim with anxiety and anticipation.
This is my tome to 2013. My poem to the year of my dreams.
To my season of Resolution fever; turning fears to Ether.
The writer in me says it was the best of times & the worst of times,
My intuition tells me I haven’t seen enough of either.
2014 is Ours.
Phillip Agnew is the Director of Dream Defenders. You can keep up with him on Twitter @PhilofDreams_.